2007-03-07 - 6:51 p.m.
my my my
"just got done talking to my best friend Nina on aim. We talked about stuff... her boy, her school, her coming home etc... She asked how things were with my love life, I tend to give a pretty regular and stock answer to that, "i dunno, lol im usually the last to know" kinda thing.
I have been thinking alot about you to be honest, and alot about us as friends and us as more. I think about you before I go to sleep, I wonder how you are, I want to hold you, hug you, make sure your safe. When I see you I tend to want to grab you and kiss you and enjoy the taste of your kiss and feel the arch of your back, to be inside you. But to this end I feel like I fall into a trap of most of the men in your life, i feel as if i turn into someone who is using you, I dont want to do that, I dont want to be that.
I have hard a very hard time trying to reconsile this in my heart and head, because I havent ever felt anything but close and good in kissing you and holding you.
You seem to feel like you are so awful and so dark that you hurt those around you, you seem to be so obsessed with the notion of your deeply felt darkness your deeply felt hurt, and how it affects those in your life. I care about you, and love you and i know many more than myself that can make that claim, the problem is, you only ever feel it or see it as that, a claim, that we couldnt possibly have it right about you, since how could you be worth it.
You are worth it, your beautiful sexy as hell, witty, strong."
hmm.... i miss this life
